Once upon a ridiculous existence, in a faraway land brimming with clichés and predictable plotlines, there lived a princess. But not just any princess, oh no! This princess was drop-dead gorgeous, because what good is a princess if she isn’t stunningly beautiful? Let’s call her Princess Ethereal Beauty, because subtlety clearly wasn’t a thing in this fantastical realm of absurdity.
Princess Ethereal Beauty’s life was an endless parade of suitors, all desperate to win her heart (and undoubtedly her kingdom). They would travel from faraway lands, each one bringing more lavish gifts and grand gestures than the last. Gold, diamonds, magical scrolls, and even the odd enchanted creature were all presented to the princess in the hopes of capturing her attention.
But Princess Ethereal Beauty was not easily impressed. She had heard it all before, seen it all before. The suitors were all the same: handsome, charming, and about as trustworthy as a used wand salesman. They would flutter their eyelashes, speak in overly flowery language, and profess their undying love for her. Yawn.
One day, as Princess Ethereal Beauty sat in her opulent chamber, gazing at her reflection in the mirror (because that’s what princesses do), a lowly farm boy stumbled into her presence. Let’s call him Farmer Boy Gritty, for he was as gritty as a forgotten potato in the back of a pantry.
“Princess Ethereal Beauty!” Farmer Boy Gritty exclaimed dramatically, falling to his knees before her. “I have traveled far and wide to present you with the most magnificent gift of all.”
The princess raised an eyebrow, intrigued by this unexpected turn of events. “Oh really? Pray tell, what is this magnificent gift?” she asked, already preparing herself for another lousy attempt at wooing.
Farmer Boy Gritty reached into his tattered cloak and pulled out a shiny, red apple. Yes, an apple. Not covered in diamonds or imbued with magical properties, just a plain old apple.
“Behold! The most magnificent gift of all!” he declared, shoving the apple in the princess’s face.
Princess Ethereal Beauty blinked in confusion, unsure whether to laugh or throw the apple at Farmer Boy Gritty’s head. “An apple? Seriously? Are you trying to poison me or something?”
Farmer Boy Gritty looked hurt, but not deterred. “This is no ordinary apple, princess. This is a…uh…magical apple. It grants whoever takes a bite the incredible power to…um…grow nose hairs instantly!”
The princess burst into laughter, unable to contain herself any longer. “Oh, how enchanting! Nose hairs? That’s exactly what I’ve always wanted! Forget princes and kingdoms, all I ever dreamt of was having a forest growing out of my nostrils!”
The sarcasm dripped from her words like molten gold. It was clear that Princess Ethereal Beauty’s patience for the same old fairy tale nonsense had finally reached its limit.
Farmer Boy Gritty’s confidence wavered, but he refused to give up. “Well, maybe…maybe it could grow hair elsewhere too? Like on your toes or something?”
Princess Ethereal Beauty rolled her eyes, barely concealing her amusement. “Do you really think that’s going to win my heart? I’ve seen more creativity in the back of a cereal box.”
Defeated, Farmer Boy Gritty slumped his shoulders and mumbled, “I guess not.”
But something about his genuine disappointment piqued the princess’s interest. She gazed at the downtrodden farmer boy and felt a strange sensation she had never experienced before: sympathy.
“Wait,” she said, her voice surprisingly gentle. “Why did you bring me an apple? What is it that you truly desire?”
Farmer Boy Gritty looked up, his eyes shimmering with a mix of hope and vulnerability. “I just wanted to meet the princess everyone talks about. The real you, not the beauty and riches, but the person beneath.”
Princess Ethereal Beauty was taken aback. No one had ever expressed such genuine interest in who she was beyond her looks and status. Suddenly, all the glitz and glamour surrounding her felt suffocating.
She reached out a hand to help Farmer Boy Gritty up from the floor. “Well, Farmer Boy Gritty, it seems we have a lot to learn from each other. Let’s discover our true selves together, shall we?”
And so, in a land where superficiality reigned supreme, Princess Ethereal Beauty and Farmer Boy Gritty embarked on a journey of self-discovery and genuine connection. They ventured into the gritty realities of life, confronting their fears, embracing their flaws, and learning that true beauty lies not in grand gestures or lavish gifts, but in the depth of one’s character.
And they all lived sarcastically ever after.
Author: Opney. Illustrator: Stab. Publisher: Cyber.
